Sunday, 27 August 2017


As I look outside my window the sun is shining bright on the other houses opposite mine. Around 12:00 or so it will reach my garden and some two hours later my house will be lit and warmed by the sun.

It seems an appropriate metaphor for what is going on in my life right now. It has been a long time since Wanita and I have played again. For a long time I even didn't feel like having sex at all. Much less wanting to write about it. I simply could not find the energy to enjoy it. Strange how something as important in our lives as our D/s play can completely vanish if something like health changes. How important was it anyway? Was it just to pass the time because we had nothing else to do? Or was it as meaningful as we always considered it to be? 

I don't know the answer to that one. The sun is behind the clouds as I look outside now. And yes, we have picked up our vanilla pleasure, and I have tried the Master/Wanita thing several times. Alas as you all well know, it can only be good if you pour your heart and soul in it. And I couldn't. It felt a bit like being impotent and there is no Viagra in the world that can cure it. I do have enough self confidence left that I will not let it destroy my self image. I have my family and friends to thank for that the way I look upon myself has not changed much. I am not familiar with any depression feelings, never have been, and always think in the end the sun will come out and do it's work.

And so I think I will have to wait until after 12:00 hours until the sun comes back into my garden once again so I can sit outside and soak the warmth in my body.
As the sun will come back every day and try every day to shine in my garden, I know this has been a lousy summer with lots and lots and lots of rain so the sun stayed in the backgound. But I know it is there just waiting for the clouds to move on to Germany. Or Belgium. Or the UK, or... where ever.

And so I just have to be patient.


  1. Yes, Han , it will come.
    You know.. if you wait for something Good ..
    you recognize proverb.
    This is life.
    Sometimes we are up, Sometimes down .
    Be patience ! It will come!!

    Mona Lisa

  2. That sun is just waiting here....soak it up as you seem to be slowly getting a little stronger. I went thru a health crises play, no sex for desire. It slowly came back...different at first, but more appreciated, maybe? You and Wanita have a lovely love story is still being written my friend. rest...and feel stronger. hugs abby

  3. It sounds like you and I are going through the same kind of 'difficult'. We need to give ourselves time, and eventually the sun will shine and warm us again. We just need to be patient.

    Rebel xox

  4. Weather patterns do change, even when you have days upon days of rain coming down. As you have mentioned, sex will be there when you are ready. There is definitely no need to rush it.

    Hang in there,

  5. Oh Han...I am so sorry you are having a rough time. Sending prayers and healing energy that the sun will shine and all will be right soon.

    Hugs and blessings...Cat


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