Monday, 13 February 2017


I found this and it is not my text, it's from a Sandi or she would probably prefer sandi, and it's well written. What's more, she is saying better than I can the importance of bringing down the number of rules in a D/s relation, but enforce the rules you've made. I know I have said so before but it's an important issue, that I cannot stress enough. Enough talk, sandi, the floor is yours.

If the relationship is new, it is very difficult to invest in a lot of rules when your Dom isn’t present to see and appreciate the effort you are putting into pleasing Him/Her. And by invest i mean put energy, effort and emotion into them.

i adore rules. But. Only if i’ve agreed to them and the outcome if they are broken and my Dom has done the same. And. He follows them as closely as i do.
What that means is it’s not just my rule, it’s O/our rule. We have discussed the rule and agreed on the outcome of what happens if the rule is broken and then He is just as vigilant about the rule being obeyed as i am. And if/when the rule is broken He is as invested in the agreed upon consequences as i am.

There is nothing worse for me as a submissive following my Dom’s rules, than for me to break the rule and for Him to do nothing. Because then i am busting my ass to be His good girl and He either hasn’t noticed or doesn’t care. If i’m busting my ass for the rule, He better be busting His ass for it as well. Don’t give the rule if You’re not going to enforce it.

That’s me. i can’t speak for all submissives or all D/s dynamics. i am not a “bratty” submissive. i hate punishments. i hate misbehaving. There are some D/s dynamics where the submissive will misbehave on purpose in order to receive punishment, and then T/they both enjoy the power play. It’s just not my preference. That doesn’t mean that i don’t enjoy intense sensations, i do, i just prefer to receive them as part of play time vs as part of punishment. And the way You know that about Your submissive is through discussion and negotiation.

It sounds like Y/you have talked with Your submissive and have agreed for You to give her rules. For myself, i function better with one or two new rules at a time. If i am given a long list of rules to follow, just remembering them all can be a challenge, let alone following them. But if Y/you start off with one or two, establish them, play with them, follow and enforce them, then after Y/you have become accustomed to them, add a couple more.

In an LDR, especially a new one, it can be difficult functioning as a D/s relationship when the other isn’t around to see what Y/you are doing. The payoff, for me as a submissive, is my Dom’s investment in me, in O/our relationship. Until that relationship is established and trust is built, the only thing Y/you have to go on is the other persons word.

If Y/you are starting with a lot of rules to be followed when the other person isn’t present for it, like wear this outfit all day long, it’s really hard to follow through when your Dom isn’t going to even know if you’ve done it or not, and you don’t have His feedback throughout the day. But if Y/you start off small, and attach some significance to it, it will be easier for Your submissive to follow. And as You establish Your investment in the rule, it gets easier to invest in for her as well.

Pick out her underthings instead of her outfit, and tell her why you want her to wear it. “Wear a black lace bra and panties today, because even though to the outside world you are a professional, W'we both know what a dirty girl you are.” “Wear pink today because when you get home i’m going to destroy your innocence.” Pick out a piece of jewelry for her to wear, pick out her shoes. Tell her why You want her to wear it and talk about what it means.

Whatever You come up with, have a reason for it, and then check up on it, send her a text a half hour after she has left the house and ask her what colour her underwear are, show her that You are as invested in the rule as she is. And if she has broken the rule, follow through with the consequences Y/you have agreed on. Give her a reason to follow Y/your rule.

If Y/you have both invested in the rule, Y/you have both attached significance to it and it’s outcome, it will not only be easier to follow, but it can also deepen Y/your relationship, offer avenues to explore for both of Y/you and it can be a lot of fun.
That’s my perspective on it, take it with a grain of salt. :)


  1. I agree well written and she sums it up very well....thanks for sharing this. hugs abby

  2. Very well written and so true...have seen so many relationships falter due to the endless list of rules. Have also seen issues when the wife has brought the DD lifestyle to the husband, she makes a whole list of rules and then gets upset when he doesn't enforce them. Thanks for sharing, Han.

    Hugs and blessings...Cat

    1. Yes, rules, or rather the good use of it, is like the Dutch say, my cockhorse. I don't know the proper English word for it, but it means it triggers you to say what you think of it, each time the subject is brought up.

      Thank you for your comment, Cat.


  3. Thank you, Han , nice post. I can relate to What She says. I like rule about underwear. Smile.

    But I don't understand this:
    . And if she has broken the rule, follow through with the consequences Y/you have agreed on. Give her a reason to follow Y/your rule....
    Is it not love?

    Mona Lisa

    1. I think the reason is love, don't you?

      I like the underwear rule, as well. Guys and bra's, panties, you know...



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