Monday, 28 November 2016

Scared

I have had some disturbing weeks. My wife and daughter said to me that I forgot the most simple things for some time now. They noticed things I talked to them about and forgot about later. I noticed myself to forget more and more at work, so I made a lot more notes to do my job well.

I know that everybody is forgetting things as they grow older, or cannot find the word of a street, or a plant or a name of a co-worker. I know. People kept telling me that. But you are getting scared when that happens all the time. Scared to death. So I went to see my general practitioner and explained to her my situation. And told her there was in these months an increase of things I simply forgot. And she thought is was serious enough to send me to a  Geriatrician.

So some three weeks ago I had an appointment in hospital. A day full of neuro-tests, MRI-scan, EEG, interview with neurologists, all scheduled in one day with all planned through the day. My wife had to come as well and fill out forms, and talk to specialists on her own. It was not a pleasant day. It's very disturbing when you find out you cannot remember as much as you want to, or sometimes don't remember anything at all.





Everybody has an "angstgegner", something they fear the most of all. And the opponent I fear the most is loosing my mind in Alzheimer disease. Physical distress is bad enough of course and it's not that I would particularly like that, but Alzheimer is my deepest fear. When I was 15 years old I helped out in a psychiatric ward. I have seen so many people with Alzheimer and later on in life, experienced it from close what's it like not to recognize your own family members.

Last week I got the results. It seems the biggest fear once again is fear itself. I feel silly about it, but I was so relieved to find out they couldn't find any signs of Alzheimer on the scans. It seems I got concentration losses and the things that don't come in, you can't reproduce... It seems it's as simple as that. Anyway, that was such a relief you cannot imagine.

Now I still have things I cannot remember, but I'm not as scared of them as I used to be. It will all come back.
Some day.

16 comments:

  1. YAY!!
    Alzheimer's is my bugbear, too.
    I get it, I really get it.
    (did I say, "YAY!!" yet?)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yay, indeed Jz. We celebrated, GRIN. I was sooo very relieved..

      Thank you for YAY,
      Han

      Delete
  2. Oh I so get this, and I am so happy you no longer need to worry as much..cause we will still worry a bit. A good friend of mine has recently been diagnosed with dementia...I try to see and help out a bit each day that I can...and every time I forget something..I think..what if...
    hugs abby

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    Replies
    1. Yes, what if, and I so do not want to do this to my wife and child...

      A big relief indeed,
      Han

      Delete
  3. Oh Han...I am so sorry you had to go through these fears but doing my happy dance that you no longer need to worry. If you don't already, you might want to consider taking vitamin D and B complex supplements. Sending prayers and positive energy for you.

    Hugs and blessings...Cat

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    Replies
    1. Thank you for your happy dance, Cat. Last week I did my own. It's a load of my shoulders.

      No vitamin shortage, they checked that, in fact they told me to stop taking vitamin D because it was too high in my blood..

      Desperate times, desperate measures.

      Han

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  4. I am glad that all checked out and that the result can ease your mind.

    I have a similar fear. I have a pretty good memory and the thought of losing it is one of my greatest fears. Oddly, my long-term memory is still great. My short-term memory isn't wonderful. I can walk into a room and not know why I am there. I then have to think about it before I recall why! I suppose it's a part of growing older.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yes, we all forget things and some days more than others... But when it's daily business it's time to worry. And boy, I did.

      Happy now, though,
      Han

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  5. Glad to know it's not that dreaded disease. I think we all fear dementia. However, memory loss has always been a feature of the aging brain, one of my aunts has similar problems to you, but there isn't anything 'wrong' with her. Given that our brains start aging from the age of 18, I think you're doing pretty good so just keep writing lists and notes, mental exercises, it's what I do.

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    1. Keep the brain busy, and my lists are endless... Use phone a lot to make reminders.

      That's what I do,
      Han

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  6. Pfffff
    Nice to know, it is not A.
    Good you checked.
    Now just lower your stress level, and all Will be fine bournout starts with short memory problem, Han.
    Take care about you, Han, please..

    Mona Lisa

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    Replies
    1. I will try to take better care, Mona Lisa, thanks for caring,

      Han

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  7. Oh Han I am so happy for you. I can only imagine how hard it must have been to realize there might have been a problem, then go through the tests and the stress waiting for the results.

    A wonderful Christmas present.

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    1. Yes three weeks lasted for three years, I think. But if the results are good, it's human nature to move on as fast as you can.

      If you don't think about it any more, it may have never happened, right? Best soon forgotten... LOL Forget - soon forgotten. God, I'm funny. NOT :-)

      Han

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  8. Oh Han, how scary for you! I am so SO glad that you got the results that you did! I hope that you can let go of the stress of it all now, and enjoy the holidays.

    As DF said, I think that we all fear dementia. We all do get a bit forgetful as we age. I would expect that if you find yourself being forgetful, and are not worried about it, then that is more of a problem, right?

    I am very happy to hear of these results! Many hugs,

    <3 Katie

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    1. It was, Katie, the three weeks between investigation and results lasted three years, and I even got a little bit more grey in that time, my wife noticed... Still I do not become grey but intense white, so that's not so bad...

      Thank you dear, for your kind words. I cherish them.

      Han

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