Thursday, 9 April 2015

H = Hard Limits

Relations where nothing ever changes are boring. The shortest way to end a relationship is boredom. So I'm always looking for new things. Things we have not tried before. Maybe we will like them, and it stays in our "repertoire", and maybe it was an one-time-but-never-again event. Either way, I'm bound to bring in something new, or often my Wanita thinks of something new.

But there are boundaries. Of course there are. Some things are unthinkable. In BDSM they are "Hard Limits". Examples of Hard Limits are: Asphyxiation, Beating hard, Heavy Bondage – all day/multi day, Branding,  Cutting – Blood play, Electricity, Fantasy gang rape, Fantasy rape play, Harems, Infantilism, Any play involving a minor, Milking (made to produce breast milk), Prostitution, Scarification (cutting,making scars), Scat play, Swallowing urine, Total Power Exchange.

If there are "Hard Limits", there are "Soft Limits". Soft Limits are still limits to the submissive but they are open to negotiation. Before the play begins that is. When the play has started and both are high on adrenaline it is a bad time to have a quiet conversation about Soft Limits. ome common soft limits are: Heavy Bondage, Cages/Cells/Closets (locked inside of), Hoods, Pain – severe, Rimming (oral/anal play), Strap-on-dildos, Suspension, Swinging and Switching roles.

Now it is not easy to talk about these things. But important. That is why there are Checklists around that sum up about every kind of kink imaginable and you say in that list:

Willingness quick-key:
* - I will do with current sex partner only.
NO - I WILL NOT DO that item under ANY circumstances (a hard limit).
0 - No desire, don't like, will permit if special to Dom (soft limit).
1 - Don't want to do, but will.
2 - Willing to do, but has no special appeal.
3 - Usually LIKE doing, on an irregular/ occasional basis.
4 - LIKE doing, would like it on a regular basis.
5 - WILD TURN-ON, would like it as often as possible. 

Fill it out both of you and later compare the lists. So you will be talking about it. As equals. Because hard limits are important to trust your partner.


  1. Wow Han...had never heard of these lists...what a great way to open an discussion, make sure all points are covered and get on the same page. Thanks so much for sharing.

    Hugs and blessings...

    1. Yes it is very difficult to have a conversation on the kitchen table about a exhibitionism fantasy either one has, or any other sexual fantasy for that matter. So this list is so good because there are some so bizarre things on it, it has to make you smile.

      You got exactly the point Cat, it is a starter for a difficult conversation...

      Wonderful comment,

  2. Replies
    1. I'm glad you do Autumn. In my naivety I thought these list were well known. Now it seems they are well known, LOL, to me.

      Thank you so much for your comment,

  3. That is some list and things I would have never thought possible to be enjoyed.

    1. It stirs the imagination, doesn't it Leigh? Well, the list is with a purpose so detailed and so strange in sexual well, perversions is that a good word for it? I don't know. As long as both parties agree, anything on that list is people's own business.

      Thank you for your comment, Leigh as always,

  4. Today I learned something new again.
    You are a good teacher, Han.

    Thank you,

    Mona Lisa

    1. Glad you felt you had learned something again, Mona Lisa! I try to explain in these A-Z posts what my point of view is against subjects of a D/s relation. It is called "loving submission" for a reason.

      Because all things begin and end with love.

      Thank you for the compliment,


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