Thursday, 30 April 2015

Z = Ziezo


Ziezo is Dutch for  "all right, that's it, there!, there you are!" It is finished, the A-Z challenge of April 2015. Loving Submission was my theme of this year. It would not have been the same without the erotic alphabet letters that were more than a little naughty. Well, Blogger seems to think it is OK again, so I posted them before they changed their mind again.

I hope I did justice to the loving in loving submission.
To all of you who read my posts: thank you for reading.
To all of you who commented on my posts: thank you so much for your feedback.

Wednesday, 29 April 2015

Y = Y-shape

I couldn't resist. One of the positions. The wonderful site "Restrained Elegance", displays just that, all postures are so elegant, and Ariel the model is wonderful as well of course. I like to see my submissive in: The Slut Position. It is the opposite to the Virgin position. The Virgin position is like this:

The Slut position is the opposite, not that my submissive is a slut, but it such a wonderful open position, I just had to share it with you. What better way to express your naughty self in the Y-position:

Tuesday, 28 April 2015


Exactly one year ago on Monday 28 April 2014 I posted my first post, Alone, at the centre of a circle by Sharon Olds. It seems only fitting I pay tribute to miss Olds by posting Take the I out, one year and some 525 posts later.

Take the I out

But I love the I, steel I-beam
that my father sold. They poured the pig iron
into the mold, and it fed out slowly,
a bending jelly in the bath, and it hardened,
Bessemer, blister, crucible, alloy, and he
marketed it, and bought bourbon, and Cream
of Wheat, its curl of butter right
in the middle of its forehead, he paid for our dresses
with his metal sweat, sweet in the morning
and sour in the evening. I love the I,
frail between its flitches, its hard ground
and hard sky, it soars between them
like the soul that rushes, back and forth,
between the mother and father. What if they had loved each other,
how would it have felt to be the strut
joining the floor and roof of the truss?
I have seen, on his shirt-cardboard, years
in her desk, the night they made me, the penciled
slope of her temperature rising, and on
the peak of the hill, first soldier to reach
the crest, the Roman numeral I--
I, I, I, I,
girders of identity, head on,
embedded in the poem. I love the I
for its premise of existence--our I--when I was
born, part gelid, I lay with you
on the cooling table, we were all there, a
forest of felled iron. The I is a pine,
resinous, flammable root to crown,
which throws its cones as far as it can in a fire.

X = X-cross

The St. Andrew's Cross, Crux decussata, X-cross, X-frame or saltire cross is a piece of equipment in BDSM dungeons. It typically provides restraining points for ankles, wrists, and waist. When secured to a saltire, the submissive is restrained in a spreadeagle position. The only problem remaining is obvious. 

Shall I give you a tour through the house? This is the living room, the kitchen and our master bedroom. Oh, the X-cross? Well we use that for tying and flogging... Now I have found a site "Foxy Furniture, hidden in plain sight" that solves this problem. Look what they did to this:

After removing the metal plate and you fold the four parts of the cross, put it on a pedestal, put a decorative column on top of it, hide the mounting bar with a display shelf and it looks like this:

Isn't it great? It is so simple, it is one of those things, you say to yourself, now why didn't I think of this myself? It is not so difficult to make yourself, but of course if you like this mahogany wood it goes with a perfect assemble manual. 

So, who knows, maybe one of our wishes may come true after all...

Monday, 27 April 2015

W = Wax Play

Remember my cold post about Ice play? This is a warm post. It is about Wax play. Sensation play it is called or more appropriate temperature play.

Just like with ice play a warning sign. It means you have to take care of how you play. Play with concentration. Watch your submissive. Read her signs. Make clear what is her safe word, or if gagged, her safe gesture!

Some people may have made candles at home. They know there are different kind of waxes, each with their own melting point. The most popular waxes are:

Type of Wax



Low temp wax 120-125 degrees 49-52 degrees
Paraffin 120-145 degrees 49-63 degrees
Standard jar candles 125-135 degrees 52- 57 degrees
Bee wax candles 140-155 degrees 60- 68 degrees
Gel jar candles 165-180 degrees 74- 82 degrees
Oil based candles 165-190 degrees 165-190 degrees

Are you used scented because it smells so nice? It also raises the temperature (often, not always) by 10-15 degrees Fahrenheit, 6 - 9 degrees Celcius. Take that into consideration before you buy it.
Using an oil on the skin prior to wax play will help prevent the wax from sticking to the skin, and body hair (if any is present) it also makes clean up much easier. When you use oil however make sure you allow for a longer cooling time and that you monitor the skin closely. If the skin is warm to the touch then but there is no visible discolouration, it is safe to continue. If the skin is pink and warm to the touch, I suggest use caution and slow down a little. If the skin is bright pink or red and hot to the touch then stop immediately and apply a cool compress to the skin, do not put ice directly to the burn, as it may cause additional tissue damage.

And always, always try it on yourself first, before you put in on someone else. But that goes for many things in BDSM. In Life, I suppose. Do not do something to another, you will not do yourself....

Fun Part

The blindfold adds so much fun to the temperature play, it is almost a must. Try the arms, the legs first, then the belly and when she is so warm the girl is sweating you can try the breasts... Drop by drop, by drop. Ah. Rub the breast first with mineral oil or even baby oil first. The wax will come off easier. Rubbing your partners breasts with oil is no torture either...

Saturday, 25 April 2015

Quattuordecim challenge number 11

To those, familiar with the Quattuordecim challenge, another challenge begun today, to those who read this for the first time, it really is a challenge as a result of the Spanking Challenge last year, and Quattuordecim (latin for 14), was my choice for the letter Q. I made 14 envelopes with in each a dare, based on our lifestyle. If you choose the label Quattuordecim or visit the Q-page it will explained to you all, including the results of the challenges.

Today Wanita chose envelope number 11. In 11 was a fun challenge, for me and I think for her as well. Because I am such a tender hearted bloke I promised her one Q-bonus point if she would succeed in this challenge. Challenge number 11 is:

If you masturbate yourself to orgasm twice within one hour and reach orgasm twice, with me watching you of course, and if you do that for 14 days in a row, you will receive a Q-point. If you receive only one orgasm, or forget or don't do it at all, you will get 1 P-point. The orgasms only count if they are counted by me.

In this table you will see the results so far. A woman is Wanita who did the challenge of the day, a dress is a challenge yet to be done (click on the picture for more details, if you dare..). I will update them each day...  

Real orgasms you say. Watch this famous "When Harry met Sally" clip of the movie. Hey, I'm a guy. I know :-)

So Good Luck Wanita with this new challenge.

V = Vanilla

When I was pondering on the word 'vanilla', and what to write about it, I found this post of Clarisse Thorn. And this post (some 6 years ago) was so well written, I asked permission to repost it here. I have not hear from her yet (9 out of 10 owners of blogs do not react at all when you ask for their permission), but if she has objections, I will remove it and post something myself.

But this is way better:

On the most basic level, “vanilla” is just a word the BDSM community uses to designate “people who are not into BDSM”, or “sex acts that are not BDSM-related”. For me, when I use the term “vanilla”, I don’t feel like I’m insulting “vanilla people”. They’re vanilla; I’m not. Some people are gay; I’m not. We’re all friends here. … Which makes me feel a little puzzled, when some vanilla people feel bothered by the designation “vanilla”.

It gets a little more complicated when we consider the cultural connotations of “vanilla”, though. (Not to mention what happens when we start thinking about whether “vanilla vs. non” is a black-and-white thing, or whether there’s more of a continuum there.)
Let’s start with something most of us agree on: vanilla is delicious! It is a layered, complex and interesting flavour that can be used in many exciting ways. But, while there are lots of awesome things about vanilla, most people also agree that it’s not as awesome as richer/more exotic flavours (particularly the perennial favourite: chocolate!). Think about the way we talk about “plain vanilla” … it wouldn’t be “plain” if vanilla weren’t considered boring, expected, dull. The major cultural connotation of “vanilla” is “not as good as chocolate”.

So … if BDSMers refer to non-BDSMers as “vanilla” … does that mean we’re looking down on their sexuality? That we’re saying it’s “not as good”?
I’ve tried thinking about this from the vantages of other alternative sexualities. For instance, if “straight” weren’t such an established term — if it weren’t a word that I’d grown up using — I think I might feel slightly miffed that it’s the word for non-LGBTQ folks. I mean, I may primarily be interested in having sex with men, but must the word for that be “straight”? Am I “straight”? Is all of my beautiful unique snowflake personality a “straight” one? … How boring!
Obviously “straight” is only a descriptor of my sexual preferences and not my entire personality. But that’s not necessarily how it feels when I hear it. And from that perspective, it’s somewhat understandable that some vanilla people feel insulted when called “vanilla”. No one wants to be “not as good as chocolate”!

I don’t think vanilla people would find it insulting when I call them “vanilla”, if they perceived the term to be an expression of neutral preferences. Vanilla people who feel insulted by the term must feel insulted, not because they think I’m describing an unimportant difference, but because they feel that I’m saying something about them. Perhaps this points to an issue about how we think about sexual preference: perhaps we consider sexual preference as defining a lot about a given person. We probably shouldn’t. I don’t think that most people’s in-bed preferences actually correlate highly to other specific personality traits.

This also points to some larger issues. Specifically: this highlights the way that non-“alternative” sex — sex that isn’t BDSM, queer, multiple partners, etc. — is perceived by some as being boring and limited and “plain” by default. That sucks, because there are lots of fun things you can do with straight, vanilla, one-on-one monogamous sex! Straight, vanilla, one-on-one monogamous sex should not be seen as boring and limited by default!
Part of the problem is that non-alternative sex has not been forced to develop the same kind of self-consciousness, ingenuity, negotiation techniques, etc. that other types of sex require and facilitate. We all know that American culture too often shames its members into being unwilling to discuss or acknowledge their sexual needs. But even the liberal subcultures that teach kids to think that sex is a beautiful thing still don’t teach them how to talk to their partner or determine their needs — which means that even kids raised in sex-positive households often find themselves floundering and confused once they actually start having sex.

The only places that provide guidelines for those things are the sexual outlaw subcultures — because we’ve had to develop them. BDSM, for example, has been forced to invent very specific sexual negotiation tactics because if we don’t carefully work out our interactions, we end up violently assaulting our partners. That is, we’ve developed very careful communication practices because if we fail at sexually communicating, the consequences are arguably more serious than they would be for other sexualities. The BDSM community has an entire vocabulary — words like “kink”* and “squick”**, for instance — developed to help us parse our sexual experiences. Within the BDSM subculture, you can frequently find actual workshops or lectures to teach negotiating sexual preferences. You don’t find words or workshops like that in the “normal world”.
I’ve been reading a really great anthology called Pomosexuals; it’s a little old by now (1997), but so much of the commentary in there remains smart and important. It includes Pat Califia’s essay “Identity Sedition and Pornography”, and writing this post brought the following quotation to mind:

Straight people blithely assume it’s their prerogative to write about us [queer people]; but we know a lot more about them than they know about us. We came out of them. Most of us made a rather extensive study of heterosexuality before leaving it behind. Even after we come out, we have to be experts in straight presumption, ignorance, and frailty in order to survive.
… We are not the only group of people dealing with a heritage of sexual shame and repression. Heterosexuals really need our help and inspiration, and I wish they’d admit it.

Moral of the story: No one should look down on vanilla people for being vanilla. Nor should anyone think vanilla sex is automatically “plain” or “boring”. Conversely, vanilla people would do well to understand that they have a lot to learn from BDSM ideas about sexual communication (and from other sexual subcultures, on other relationship topics).
We’re stuck with the word “vanilla” now, along with all its connotations. It would be annoying and probably impossible to invent a different word for “people who aren’t into BDSM”. But, hey — we’ve reclaimed so many other terms in this modern era … why not reclaim “vanilla”? Let’s make “vanilla” mean “delicious, complex, layered and interesting”, rather than “plain”!

As a side note, one interesting thing that my vanilla friend pointed out is this: “I feel like we should have learned by now that all these things occur on a spectrum. Maybe I’m not gay but I am queer. Maybe I’m into handcuffs and blindfolds but nothing else. Maybe there needs to be language to describe that spectrum rather than trying to draw a line in the sand. My sense is that the grey area is vast. Embracing it could be a useful strategy.”

There’s a term, “french vanilla”, that BDSMers sometimes use to indicate people who are “kind of into BDSM, but not heavily into it”. It’s cute, but I don’t ultimately find this term very helpful, and here’s why: as soon as you start talking to BDSMers about their BDSM preferences, you quickly find that they are more into some things than others — and that there are many BDSM acts they just aren’t interested in.

Usually, I think about this in terms of “sliders”. On the most basic level, I envision several BDSM sliders: a Bondage slider, a Dominance slider, a Submission slider, a Sadism slider, and a Masochism slider. Frequently, these sliders overlap — for instance, many people with a high Masochism slider have a high Submission slider. You can get even more complicated and talk about the specific acts that people enjoy or dislike, but I tend to find that those sliders are a good place to start.
So basically, if we’re going to complexify the conversation by talking about the BDSM spectrum, then I think we might as well go straight for the sliders, and skip vague terms like “french vanilla”.
… I just had a startling thought. Arguably … what we’re actually describing, when we talk about “vanilla people” vs. “BDSM people”, is more about the way people think about these acts — how formally people articulate these acts — and less about how much, or how heavily, people actually do them. But this post has already gotten quite long, so I’ll have to explore that idea another day.

* “Kink” = “a specific sexual preference”. For instance, if I like whipping people, then you could say that I have a kink for whipping people.
** “Squick” = “a non-judgmental dislike of a certain sexual act”. For instance, if I feel really bothered by the idea of someone whipping someone else, then you could say that I am squicked by whipping.

Friday, 24 April 2015

U = Underwear

What is more exiting for man than to catch a glimpse of the clothes beneath the clothes? And all woman have a radar for the perverts like me that counts women without a bra, the see when you are talking to their breasts. And what underwear is more exiting than a corset.

Now a corset is not what is was a hundred years ago. Around 1900 the corset was very popular and in the picture you can see what the corset looked like in those days.

Now women hardly wear corsets anymore. Most wear bra's. Even under a spaghetti-strap dress the bra prominently shows its straps, in a colour that you think: Wow, it was dark this morning when you choose that one. It annoys me many woman don't wear a good bra, most of them are too soft, give too little support. Buy a good bra. Let the woman in the store measure your breast. Acknowledge the fact that both breast have different sizes. Don't buy too small, don't buy too big.

Just a little friendly advice from a guy that likes looking at it.

Thursday, 23 April 2015

T = Tool and Toy Alphabet

An Alphabet in an Alphabet. This is a Typography post. Is it a font? Well, kind of. Of Tools and Toys! To play with or to let your imagination go wild. Have Fun!

A: ballgag
B: handcuffs
C: fuzzy wristcuffs
D: D-ring
E: insertables
F: speculum
G: singletail
H: violet wand
I: Wartenberg wheel
J: cane
K: clothespins
L: crop
M: rope
N: candle
O: ring of O
P: belt
Q: spiked collar
R: flogger
S: blindfold
T: nipple tree
U: dragon tongue
V: flip knife
W: clamps
X: St. Andrew's cross
Y: switch
Z: Hitachi wand
?: suspension hook
!: anal beads
period: prophylactic
": tacks
comma: vampire claw
semicolon: prophylactic + claw
colon: 2 prophylactics
apostrophe: needle

Wednesday, 22 April 2015

S = Submissive

The S is Submissive, not Slave. Different lifestyle. Some people like it, some even need it.
That's good. Live and Let Live.
Each to his or her own.

A submissive is strong woman and the wonderful picture here below says it all, for me that is:

We are always equals, even if you kneel before me, I will never think of you below me in any way. The submission is a gift, and the most wonderful gift a lover can give another: the trust, complete trust that although you have the power over her body, and you will not abuse it. That trust cannot be found in many relations. That trust comes with a prize: the obligation to guide and to protect.

Tuesday, 21 April 2015

R = Rope

Some people like to act, some people like to teach. The Two Knotty Boys like to do both: In a series of instruction video's they explain difficult knots and ties in a very simple way. One of the best video's is Corset Harness where different knots are used make a rope chest harness.

Monday, 20 April 2015

The homecoming by Harold Pinter


Time has come to tell you what I think of the 1965 Goodreads Galore Challenge. Mona Lisa and I each read a book from 1965 (and all years to the present for that matter). The book is to be read and reviewed on the blog within three weeks time and published on the blog. If either one fails to do so, he or she must write a guest post on the other blog about a subject of the winners choice. We were both late and decided that we would post today.

In 1965 I was six years old and far to young to read any Pinter book. I have never seen his plays or read his books, but I have had heard of him, of course. "The homecoming" was therefore my first
acquaintance with this play and also it has been a long time since I have read a play. Pinters book has many directions for its players what to do. Surprising how accepted smoking was in those days, there are a lot of people smoking in the play! Some things do change over time.

The story

Anyway let me tell you in short what the story is about (and I spoil it for everyone that still wants to read it):

In the homecoming the father Max the father treats his sons in a verbal abusive way. His wife has died and he lives with his sons Lenny, a pimp, and Joey, a boxer. Both sons are violent too, at least in words. Uncle Sam lives is a chauffeur and is part of the "unit", as this family calls themselves.
Teddy, Max oldest son Teddy, a professor in philosophy comes home in England to introduce his wife Ruth. He has been married for over six years and they have three children in America. The play ends shortly after Teddy leaves for America without Ruth. Except for Uncle Sam, all the others including Teddy himself encourage Ruth to remain with the family in England and earn her keep, they propose, as a prositute. She answers that there are certain terms to be met:
"I would want at least three rooms and a bathroom"
"All aspects of agreement and conditions of employment would have to be clarified to our mutual satisfaction before we finalized the contract".

Main theme

This play was interesting because the central theme is the power exchange between men and women. Now why do you think I would be interested in that subject? And in this book nothing is like it seems it is. The male figures are outwardly appearing to have strength and power through their confident natures it would appear that they were in control. But Ruth had no problem in dealing with all three men in the family.

Max, the father figure, behaves like the old pack leader: he is trying to maintain a position of dominance. Ruth’s initial introduction to the family is Max: “I’ve never had a whore under this roof before. Ever since your mother died.” Her husband Teddy interrupts: “She’s my wife! We are married!”. But Max doesn’t care: We had a pox-ridden slut in my house all night. 
Lenny, the pimp that brags about his abuse to women, is paid back with sexual dominance: "And now", he says "I will relieve you of that glass", and she answers back "If you take the glass.... I'll take you.." And she turns away and leaves. 

Nothing is like it seems in this book. There is even doubt if Ruth really consents in the agreement of prostitution: she uses the word "would", so maybe she is just using this to leave her boring husband and take on a adventurous life in England.

What did I think of it?

It is a fascinating book. I have read it three times before I could write the review. Weird at times. Strange, Bizarre. But that is what is good play is all about isn't it? To leave the theatre and think: What??? And that is the feeling when you have put down this book: What???

As you can see I have put down the book, but I'm not ready with it yet.  (4 stars in the silly rating system)

Q = Question about BDSM-symbol

Did you ever looked really well at the BDSM-emblem? You will find it on many sites and people use it as a symbol for "freedom of sexual experiences". To come out of the closet BDSM-wise. To show and to warn people this is something (not) to play with.

I wondered how the symbol, a bit like the yin/yang sign became the logo of BDSM. And there is actually a site that tells it all. And there is actually someone who invented this symbol.

For all of us that are curious about the elements of the emblem, here is his explanation:

There are the three aspects that are most often overlooked in representing the emblem.
  1. The rim and three curved "spokes" of the design are meant to be presented in some metallic colour. On the original pins and pendants this area is raised. This colour (it may look like iron, gold, silver, copper, bronze, anything metallic) is indicative of the "chains" or "irons" of BDSM servitude/ownership.
  2. The three inner fields are black, representing a celebration of the controlled "dark side" of BDSM sexuality.
  3. The three "dots" are not dots but holes. The background of the page should be visible though them. These holes, as described in the original explanation of the symbol, denote the incompleteness of any individual practitioner in that BDSM is at the least a play style and at most a love style, and cannot be practised alone. There is always the need for a complimentary other.
  4. The arms curve clockwise. There is no reason for this other than the fact that this is how I envisioned it when I was first designing it. But it's been set, so one clockwise is correct and counter-clockwise is backwards.

The BDSM Emblem is copyright 1995 by who maintains the copyright in order to protect the symbol. It is freely available for all educational and non-commercial use within the BDSM community without charge.

Saturday, 18 April 2015

P = Positions

There are a zillion vanilla sex positions, all very exiting and well worth a try. But this post is about Spanking positions. I have found this position in combination with the level of pain chart. Now the Arkham Scale is used often to measure pain in a scale from 1 to 10.

This position guide helps you if you are a beginner and don't know where to start. And I might add that an Arkham 1 is possible in any of these positions.

Friday, 17 April 2015

O = Story of

In 1954 a novel was published that got as much attention as the Fifty Shades book gets now. It is significant that so many women like the idea of Domination and submission in different generations. The story of O is exciting, unconventional and have all the colours of the rainbow is by no means only grey.

Here is a trailer from the movie, made by Just Jackin from 1975. 40 years ago...

Thursday, 16 April 2015

N = Nipple Play

Sensitive Nipples. Can you have an orgasm by nipple stimulation alone? According to this "guide to have a nipple stimulated orgasm, there are four steps to take: 

STEP 1 – Squeeze

Your lover should squeeze the fingers together so that he/she raises your nipples slightly

STEP 2 – Lick

With the tip of the tongue he/she should lick your nipple in circular motions.

STEP 3 – Suck

After a few minutes of licking, he should pucker the lips around the nipple and suck gently, then more firmly with vacuum sucking motions.

STEP 4 – Intensify

Save the most intense sensation until the end.

Just so you know. In BDSM nipples are twisted and turned, poor things. They are clamped and not at all treated like the pink treasures they really are.

This very erotic painting is from about 1570 by an unknown artist and you might have seen it in the Louvre. It shows two sisters and the one on the right the one that has her tiny nipple twisted is
Gabrielle d'Estrées and her sister on the left. It is so wonderful to see in a museum people study this picture as a science project, when all they think about is step 1 until 4!

Wednesday, 15 April 2015

M = Master

The word Master is overrated.
A master is only a master if his Submissive allows him to be one.
All actions of the Master should therefore have one goal:
To protect his submissive.

Tuesday, 14 April 2015

Lost bet

As you can see the counter in bright red is firing Red: Time is up to make a review of The homecoming by Harold Pinter, my choice of books of the year 1965 in witch it was written. I did actually finish the book a week ago, but I could not find the time to write a good review of the book.

The book is all about power and so it fits well in my A-Z blogging month. It deserves a well balanced judgement, and I want to take time to write that.

So I submit once again to the wishes of Mona Lisa to write a guest post on her blog...
See you there.

L = Love

L must be Love, it is the most easy Letter of the A - Z alphabet. But what to choose with Love. A beautiful picture that says it all, or a wonderful famous quote? A piece from a book where love is so sudden, so overwhelming? Poetry. It must be poetry somehow. The grand master of poetry himself, at the end of Taming of the Shrew has been travelling with me for a long time now. It is time to share it:

Fie, fie! unknit that threatening unkind brow,
And dart not scornful glances from those eyes,
To wound thy lord, thy king, thy governor:
It blots thy beauty as frosts do bite the meads,
Confounds thy fame as whirlwinds shake fair buds,
And in no sense is meet or amiable.
A woman moved is like a fountain troubled,
Muddy, ill-seeming, thick, bereft of beauty;
And while it is so, none so dry or thirsty
Will deign to sip or touch one drop of it.
Thy husband is thy lord, thy life, thy keeper,
Thy head, thy sovereign; one that cares for thee,
And for thy maintenance commits his body
To painful labour both by sea and land,
To watch the night in storms, the day in cold,
Whilst thou liest warm at home, secure and safe;
And craves no other tribute at thy hands
But love, fair looks and true obedience;
Too little payment for so great a debt.
Such duty as the subject owes the prince
Even such a woman oweth to her husband;
And when she is froward, peevish, sullen, sour,
And not obedient to his honest will,
What is she but a foul contending rebel
And graceless traitor to her loving lord?
I am ashamed that women are so simple
To offer war where they should kneel for peace;
Or seek for rule, supremacy and sway,
When they are bound to serve, love and obey.
Why are our bodies soft and weak and smooth,
Unapt to toil and trouble in the world,
But that our soft conditions and our hearts
Should well agree with our external parts?
Come, come, you froward and unable worms!
My mind hath been as big as one of yours,
My heart as great, my reason haply more,
To bandy word for word and frown for frown;
But now I see our lances are but straws,
Our strength as weak, our weakness past compare,
That seeming to be most which we indeed least are.
Then vail your stomachs, for it is no boot,
And place your hands below your husband's foot:
In token of which duty, if he please,
My hand is ready; may it do him ease.
William Shakespeare

Monday, 13 April 2015

K = Kneeling

The K seems to be only kneeling for me. Almost a year ago I wrote about kneeling and now again.

It is wonderful if you are young and flexible and in good shape when a Dominant berates his submissive about kneeling. But some people, maybe even most people as a matter if fact, are not as flexible as they would want to be.

So keep lots of cushions or pillows around in the bedroom, in fact in every room you want to play. Knee pads are very good and strapped to the knee is effective but not very elegant. Elegance is in pride, in posture, in effort to please and not in beauty or youth.

Squat down to the floor. If you need to open your knees in lowering down to the ground. Put keep your hands behind your back.
Keep the upper body as rigid and straight as you possibly can. Put tension to your upper body to sit straight.

After you squat move your body weight slightly forward so you "fall" on the cushion before you with your knees. Without waiting a second move your ankles to each other as close as you can and your knees together, unless the dominant has given other instructions. Keep your hand behind your back.

Getting up can be difficult as well. If you can get up in one graceful fluent movement of the body, oh well that is wonderful for you. A lot of us cannot. They need the leg that is the strongest to get in an upright position and stand up using that leg as a lever to raise yourself. If you do that in quick motions it doesn't look disgraceful at all. 

Saturday, 11 April 2015

J = Japanese Style Bondage

Japanese style bondage has it's origins in an traditional bondage, and often not for fun purposes in the past, I might add. But today's Japanese bondage is all about the art of knots. Japanese masters are the masters of knot tying. The more complex series of knots, the better the rigger (the one that ties) is.
Here are two examples of "Ushiro takate kote shibari" or High hands behind back binding. Now of course not everyone is as flexible as the ladies in the drawings, but a lot of bondage practice makes the one tied up (for fun, always for fun remember?) more flexible as times goes by.

Japanese bondage style is often referred to as Shibari or Kinbaku. There is much discussion about the distinction between shibari and kinbaku, and whether one term is more appropriate than another. I will stick to Japanese bondage. The journey of the binding is maybe even more important than the end product, it is seen as a way to communicate between the one who is bound and put her trust in you and the hands of the one that binds. Traditional Japanese bondage techniques use natural vegetable fiber rope (hemp, jute, or linen) exclusively with multiple 6-8 meters of rope.

The honour of ancient Samurai warriors was rated on how well they took charge of their prisoners, and the technique used to tie the prisoner showed the honor and status of that Samurai. There were four rules of binding prisoners
1. Not to allow the prisoner to slip his bonds;
2. Not to cause any physical or mental injury;
3. Not to allow others to see the techniques;
4. To make the result beautiful to look at.

Our "prisoners" now will appreciate the rules above. There are many instruction video's about Japanese bondage, because many people like to show what they can do with this type of bondage art. The instruction video's I chose, was about Ushiro takate kote shibari.

Of course.

Friday, 10 April 2015

A real neat gesture

From two wonderful people I got some questions. Real neat questions. Because they think I deserve the real neat blog award. And that is very kind of them. I have not answered them yet, but the questions are in the vault and when more quiet times will come (sometime next week, maybe not this weekend when my daughter will reach the wonderful age of 21 years old) but next weekend I will answer them all very ..., well in my own comprehensive way.

So Blondie and DF, thank you for this wonderful gift you gave me.

I = Ice play

Ice play is what is says it is: Play with ice on your partner. Many people have tried an ice cube on the nipple. And the sensations are like pain in a way, without the pain in fact. BDSM people call it sensation play or temperature play and certain kind of wax like from candles are included in that category as well (later on A-Z :-).

Ice play on the body with just a cube of ice is nice and all, but it is wonderful if you can combine that with a simple but effective bondage. To have the naked body spread out in a big X shape, arms and legs securely but a bit loose bound. The more my girl wriggles, the more I like it. If you are a sensation seeker you can add a blindfold as well. Be unpredictable. Search for combinations of the body she won't expect. You will have my word for it, you this will not be the last time you have played like this.

If you are feeling truly adventurous you can try the frozen dildo. On this site Franklin Veaux's Journal he explains (with pictures! very well) how to make your own frozen dildo with nothing more than a condom, the cardboard tube of a paper towel roll and boiled water (you have cooled down of course before pouring in the condom!!).

As a safety I have to add some measures to this article:

  1. If you take the ice dildo from the wash it with warm water at the outside some, the ice rests on the outside will go away and the melting process starts a bit already.
  2. Always use plenty of lube before you want to enter that tender area. It slides more easy in and out this way, and it adds to the sensation.
  3. Use the end of the dildo to fuck. Not insert it too long without moving it, your partner will only get cold and that is not erotic. We want to add a stimulants, not making her frozen. Go to the dairy department of your shopping mall if you want only your partner served cold. Or visit an ice artist exhibition.
  4. Before you begin with any cold play, make your beloved hot first!!

Thursday, 9 April 2015

H = Hard Limits

Relations where nothing ever changes are boring. The shortest way to end a relationship is boredom. So I'm always looking for new things. Things we have not tried before. Maybe we will like them, and it stays in our "repertoire", and maybe it was an one-time-but-never-again event. Either way, I'm bound to bring in something new, or often my Wanita thinks of something new.

But there are boundaries. Of course there are. Some things are unthinkable. In BDSM they are "Hard Limits". Examples of Hard Limits are: Asphyxiation, Beating hard, Heavy Bondage – all day/multi day, Branding,  Cutting – Blood play, Electricity, Fantasy gang rape, Fantasy rape play, Harems, Infantilism, Any play involving a minor, Milking (made to produce breast milk), Prostitution, Scarification (cutting,making scars), Scat play, Swallowing urine, Total Power Exchange.

If there are "Hard Limits", there are "Soft Limits". Soft Limits are still limits to the submissive but they are open to negotiation. Before the play begins that is. When the play has started and both are high on adrenaline it is a bad time to have a quiet conversation about Soft Limits. ome common soft limits are: Heavy Bondage, Cages/Cells/Closets (locked inside of), Hoods, Pain – severe, Rimming (oral/anal play), Strap-on-dildos, Suspension, Swinging and Switching roles.

Now it is not easy to talk about these things. But important. That is why there are Checklists around that sum up about every kind of kink imaginable and you say in that list:

Willingness quick-key:
* - I will do with current sex partner only.
NO - I WILL NOT DO that item under ANY circumstances (a hard limit).
0 - No desire, don't like, will permit if special to Dom (soft limit).
1 - Don't want to do, but will.
2 - Willing to do, but has no special appeal.
3 - Usually LIKE doing, on an irregular/ occasional basis.
4 - LIKE doing, would like it on a regular basis.
5 - WILD TURN-ON, would like it as often as possible. 

Fill it out both of you and later compare the lists. So you will be talking about it. As equals. Because hard limits are important to trust your partner.

Wednesday, 8 April 2015

G = Gor Positions Ko_Lar

I have written about Gor Positions before, especially about "Nadu", one of my favourite positions for a submissive to be in. The Letter G had to Gor, but this time not Nadu, but Collar, or Ko_Lar.

Ko_Lar also called "the Position of Female Submission": the slave kneels before the Master, back on her heels, arms extended, head down between her arms, wrists crossed as though for binding.

"Then, to my astonishment, the daughter of the Ubar Marlenus, daughter of the Ubar of Ar, knelt before me, a simple warrior of Ko-ro-ba, and lowered her head, lifting and extending her arms, the wrists crossed. It was that same simple ceremony that Sana had performed before me in the chamber of my father, back at Ko-ro-ba - the submission of the captive female. Without raising her eyes from the ground, the daughter of the Ubar said in a clear, distinct voice: 'I submit myself.' Later I wished that I had had binding fibre to lash her so innocently proffered wrists. I was speechless for a moment, but then, remembering that harsh Gorean custom required me either to accept the submission or slay the captive, I took her wrists in my hands and said, 'I accept your submission.' I then lifted her gently to her feet."
Tarnsman of Gor, page 93-94

Tuesday, 7 April 2015

F = Formal Speech

Formal Speech is one aspect of Formal Protocol. And Protocol, formal protocol, is a rigorous series of structured behaviours that are used to focus attention and direct actions in a specific manner. The Dominant wants the submissive to act in a certain way and he or she wants the attention of the submissive totally and undivided on the task at hand. Because every D/s relationship is different and we cannot read minds, the Dominant will want to train his submissive in Protocol. That includes Position training (later in the A-Z) guess what letter, and Voice and Speech training as well.

Voice training is the tone of speech, the way we talk, loud or quiet, and some people have rules there should not be laughter in the voice. I disagree with that. In D/s can be a very respectful conversation with a playful undertone. Submission should bring joy and joy should be expressed. A clear example there are no rules written in stone in this community.

Speech training is about when to speak and how to speak. I will tell something about my "formal speech rules". I always tell my submissive "we are under formal speech rules from now" and in formal speech rules:
  • the submissive does not speak until she or he is spoken to, unless there is a physical reason to do so (I'm very thirsty Master, can have a glass of water, My legs hurt, Master, may I stand up now);
  • the submissive answers each question respectfully and ends each sentence with Sir, or Master;
  • the submissive gives short answers, to the point and does not elaborate.
Some people have twenty or more rules about talking, but I think less = more. Some people require that the submissive talks about herself in the third person:  With permission, may this creature/slave/girl get itself a drink, Sir? I don't like that either. My submissive is not my property, she chooses to be submissive to me of her own free will. Nobody is forcing her to do so. And for such a brave act she should be proud of her own submission. She is not this creature, this slave or this girl. When she's mine I'm proud of her.

Monday, 6 April 2015

E = Exchange of power

In the BDSM community often words are used that have a different meaning to the people that use it. There are a lot of abbreviations out there: D/s SM, B&D etc. that make it not much clearer. Time for a video that explains it all. You will have to sit through the first minutes of the 16 minute video, but after that he really explains it well.

So enjoy the Basics of Power Exchange:

Saturday, 4 April 2015

D = Dominant Male

As I stare down on you, kneeling before me, I am drinking you in
Looking you over, studying you while you maintain the pose, for me

Your eyes are kept down, so full of determination and focus
Shoulders square, knees spread wide, wrists locked behind you

The candlelight bathes your naked ivory skin, making you angelic
Your cheeks puff slightly, from the loose ball I placed inside of your pretty mouth, a reminder that beauty should only be seen

On top of you head is a single book, a tome of great value
"The Misfortunes of Virtue" by our dear Marquis, balances perfectly

What a splendid vision you are my dear submissive, how you complete me
Feminine helplessness, naked innocence, total submission

When we play together you make me a god and become my everything
The rest of the world fades away like melted vanilla ice cream on the floor, pathetically sweet and sticky

Quietly I watch, in such awe your disciplined obedience
Even the bell from your posture collar is motionless, silent

Inside my head a myriad of games and scenes, scripted just for you
Designed to challenge you, test your limits, and most of all satisfy me

I know I am a difficult, complicated man with most refined tastes
Enjoying both pleasuring you and conferring erotic pain without guilt

Despite all of this, you adore me, worship me, even love me
Understanding, acceptance, and completeness all rolled into one

Oh, there is so much I want to say, let you know, reveal
But we both know that Doms never, ever gush, especially in the dungeon

Friday, 3 April 2015

Have mercy upon his soul

On March 12th I have told you about my friend that was ill and that I would have to say goodbye to him soon. I did not expect then, that the moment to say goodbye would be today already. He will be cremated today and nothing but a pile of dust will remain of that big man so full of life.

Today it is Good Friday and everywhere in the Netherlands the St. Matthew Passion is being performed. I put the link to the wonderful all of Bach site here, so you can see today's integral  performance already.

I have posted Erbarme Dich before. But I cannot send more comfort to my friend than to play "Have mercy" upon his soul for him. So this one, my friend, is just for you. May your soul find rest.

C = Corner time

Is BDSM all about pain? Not in my opinion. Corner time is good example of submission without pain. Often corner time is given after a spanking with the trousers down or the skirt up so the red bottom is shown, but as an act of free will from your submissive if you send her to her corner and she actually stands in the corner for you is a thrill that only submissive and their masters will understand.

It makes the submissive calm again and give her a chance to reflect. I'm not so fond of the classic "hold a coin with your nose to the wall", it causes stress and I want quiet reflection time, not stress. The same is for public corner time. If it is your thing, good for you, but it's not for us. We'd like our times private.

You know how I love games with dice and somewhere on the internet, I found this game about corner time. Enjoy!

6 rolls of 6 dice needed, one for each section.

Section 1 - Headwear

1 Dunces Hat
2 Babies Dummy/Comforter
3 Gag (use panties if removed in next section)
4 Blindfold
5 Blindfols and Ear Plugs
6 Gag, Blindfold and Ear Plugs

Section 2 - Dress

1 Panties on display
2 Trousers down / skirt off, panties wedged
3 Panties round ankles shirt pinned up
4 Naked from waist up
5 Naked from waist down, shoes and socks back on, shirt/blouse pinned up
6 Naked

Section 3 - Position

1 Standing, face the wall
2 Standing, face the wall, balancing book on head, extra 5 mins for every time it falls
3 Standing, nose the wall, 5p/10c coin trapped between nose and wall, extra 5 mins for every time it drops.
4 Kneeling up (i.e. Bottom raised from feet), face the wall
5 Kneeling down (i.e. Bottom on ankles), knees spread to touch both walls of corner
6 On all fours head in the corner, nose to the floor, knees spread, ass in the air

Section 4 - Hands

1 Hands by your side
2 Hands on top of head
3 Hands on clasped round back of neck (if S3,3 then move slightly away from corner)
4 Hands holding ears
5 Hands tied behind your back. (if S2,2 then tied also to wedge)
6 Hands and arms in the air - hold them high and feel the pain

Section 5 - Sadistic Additions (optional)

1 Stand or kneel on died rice, grit or kitty litter. Standers to have bare feet.
2 Butt plug inserted - if it comes out then 5 minutes extra
3 Nipple clamps fitted
4 (Males) Balls fitted with parachute and weights (or similar - improvise).
(Females) clothespegs/clothespins on labia
5 Drink two pints of cold water before your corner time
6 Wear 20 clothespegs/clothespins on your face, nipples and genitals

Section 6 Time

1 10 minutes
2 15 minutes
3 20 minutes
4 30 minutes
5 5 minutes but roll again and add it on
6 10 minutes but roll again and add it on

Thursday, 2 April 2015

B = Bound Bettie Page

Bettie Mae Page (22 April 1923 - 11 December 2008) was one of the most famous pin up models. She still is considered with her blue eyes and her girl-next-door look to be the most wonderful example of naughtiness.

From a home of six children Bettie was a free spirited girl. As the Salutatorian of her class, Bettie won a $100 scholarship to Peabody College where she studied education while dreaming of becoming an actress.

In February 1943, Bettie married her boyfriend of two years, Billy Neal (the marriage would last 4 years). After earning her Bachelor of Arts degree from Peabody College, Bettie moved to San Francisco to be with her husband. It was in San Francisco that Bettie got her first modeling job at a local furrier where Bettie modeled fur coats for clients.

Bettie Page made bondage pictures at the end of the forties, begin fifties with Irving Klaw and his sister Paula Klaw. They sold it "Damsels in distress" pictures. Bettie Page later stated that Irving and Paula Klaw only wanted to take pictures if there were some bondage pictures in the session as well. Her bondage pictures in black and white are still today a cult in bondage photography.

Madonna's bra before Madonna was born!

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