Friday, 7 November 2014

Not a fairy tale marriage

Today on my way home I had time to think. And maybe our marriage looks to you a bit of a fairy tale. And that, of course, is not true at all. We do have arguments like any other couple I know, I know I hurt her by doing something impulsive. I know she hurts me by saying something terribly insensitive. We are totally different people. My wife is in many aspects my opposite. We like different things. We have a different attitude towards political and social issues.

But we have fought our battles for a lifetime in the beginning of our marriage. To the point of breaking up. And we found help to do two things: to communicate with each other and to be honest to each other. We couldn't do it on our own, we needed help to do that. It sounds so simple but it was so hard for me to say: "It really hurts when you say that to me". And we both apologized to each other but we had to say it out loud, and not keeping it to ourselves.

And now, in spite of our different characters, in spite of all the things we don't agree on, we can talk about it. And find a solution that works for the both of us. Sometimes I have to take a step down, sometimes Wanita does.  But we do it because we belong together.

I said it before: she is half of me, I couldn't think of missing one half of myself.
But she, she honestly is my better half.

14 comments:

  1. Opposites attract, it is the same for P and I, we're nothing alike in personality, but we laugh at the same things, we expect the same behaviour from other people and go to bed at the same time - it doesn't take much to kick start a relationship.
    I'm sure you're both the better half :)

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    1. I love your unobtrusive way of making comments. And yes, I'm sure you're right about both halves.

      Thank you, as always,
      Han

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  2. Sorry to disappoint you Han but I have never thought you and Wanita had a fairy tale marriage. You two look as if you have a real marriage which is much better than fairy tale any time since fairy tales aren't real ;)

    Hugs and Blessings...
    Cat

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    1. You don't think that? How about: 'They lived happily ever after'?
      I'm glad you feel that way, Cat.

      Han

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  3. Very well said, Han.
    Now one maririage is a fairy tale.
    O like your: Sometimes I step back , Sometimes Wanita steps back.
    Compromise is a ground of a good maririage together with comunication.
    I am glad you make it work.
    Because it is a hard work.
    Opposites atract... Absoilutelly .
    Think how booooring it will be to be together with someone who thinks like you, who do things like you...
    No, I think Wanita is a better choise.... LOL

    Take care,
    ML

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    1. Boring is not what comes to mind thinking about by loved one, you are right about that Mona Lisa. Yes, and it is ebb and flood in a marriage. We have to just keep working on it.

      Thanks for your thoughtful comments,
      Han

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  5. Fairy tales marriages are just that - fairy tale. Real marriage is hard work - lots of give and take, but when you succeed it's so worth it. That's what you and Wanita have found - real marriage.

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    1. I hope so, Leigh. I try to take nothing for granted, and because I'm a creature for habit I break the habits sometimes to surprise her and keep things new and unexpected.
      But life is not a book. "What you actually love is most truly reflected in your actions, not in what you feel, think or say."

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  6. From experience, fairy tale marriages do not exist. I suppose that I am saying that it's a myth than a fairy tale. =)

    I applaud that you and Wanita worked hard to fix issues in your marriage by expressing how you both felt and continue to communicate with each other. It's so important. My ex was not good with talking about how he felt and did not want to seek help. It was one of the reasons why our marriage didn't work out.

    A marriage takes two people to make it work. Although you say that she is indeed your better half, you both complete each other's better halves.

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    1. You are probably right about both halves, girl with the naughty name. It really is difficult to open up, especially when there is a need to be very closed at work. But we are both determined to make it work.

      Besides, I promised it in front of witnesses, didn't I?

      Thank you for your lovely comment,
      Han

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  7. Well written, as usual, Han.
    I noticed that during our marriage my Wife and I have developed the same taste in many areas. Of course there still are differences, but when we love each other we can live very well with them.

    appy

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    1. You are an inspiration to many of us, Appy and certainly to me.Yes, there is common ground after years of marriage, but still many fundamental different opinions on a lot of subjects.

      And yet we cope. One day at the time.
      Thank you for your comment, friend,

      Han

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  8. Fairy tale or not, you always speak so highly of your wife. Communication is so important and each must be willing to not only share but to listen. You and Wanita are making your own love story, not a fairy tale

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