Saturday, 23 August 2014

The eagle has landed

It is difficult to have a vanilla relationship where both partners are content, it is a real challenge for spanking and BDSM couples. I hope our experience can help you, if only a little bit...

Parable of the eagle

The son of a farmer was wandering in the mountains and discovered an eagles nest with an egg in it. He took the egg with him to the farm and laid it in a nest full of chicken eggs. After that he forgot the egg and the chicken bred the eggs. The young eagle thought the chicken was his mother and he has her chick. The eagle grew up and behaved like a chicken. He ate worms and insects, cackled and like the other chickens could only lift a only a few feet off the ground. He lived his life as a chicken and became very old. And one day he looked up in the sky and saw this beautiful gracious bird flying in the sky. And he said to the chicken, what is that? Oh, that is an eagle; the king of the sky. And he went on picking seeds from the ground.

Comfort Zone

If you want to change and not be chicken all your life there is no other way than to step out of the comfort zone of your marriage, of any other kind of relationship you're in. There is a reason why they call it the comfort zone, it is where you both feel comfortable. Settled down in a pleasurable routine. And if something is itching in that zone, it really is difficult to talk about. It is not urgent, it is not important so you talk about it tomorrow. You postpone it. Tomorrow you will talk with him about it. You don’t really want to talk about it. It reminds you of the days you were dating. Will he like me afterwards even after he finds out how the ‘real’ me is like? What if? A thousand “What if’s” and not a thousand answers to all of those scenarios. But the itch doesn't go away, it is nagging you every day.

It is a really difficult if sex is involved. How many times do you talk about sex? I bet it is not very often. OK, it was different when you were dating. Raging hormones are more or less manageable now. The Dutch proverb "To cackle a lot doesn't produce eggs" applies maybe to this blog, but not to your sexlife.

All of this doesn't only apply to bringing spanking or BDSM in your relationship, it also very much applies to establish a kind balance in your needs and his after that. To open up and bring the subject of submission on the table is one thing, to be both satisfied with the result of that, takes a lot of communication.


Misconception one: The dominant knows all. He is " the master" right? And when in doubt Master knows everything. And he decides without consulting what is best. Because consulting may be a sign of weakness, you know? Let me tell you from own experience: Master knows zilch. Nada. Nothing. About the way a woman thinks. And certainly not about how you think, because not two people are alike.

Misconception two: He should understand by now that I'm not happy about the current situation. He doesn't know. Really he hasn't got a clue. He is a man. How many men do you know who understand why their wifes act the way they do? I don't know any. Woman are a mystery. Really, there the laws of normal logic doesn't apply to all of you. So the only thing he will understand is plain English (or plain Dutch, Spanish, Norwegian, Chinese, Arabic or whatever your mother tongue is). Say what you would like to try. Say out loud what you feel. Say what your boundaries are. SAFE WORD.

Misconception three: I am the only one that is not completely happy about this, because he doesn't talk about it either, and he seems happy. To a guy it is just as hard as for a woman to talk about secret desires, fantasies. Maybe even more so. Maybe not, maybe he is easier to satisfied with what he has got.

Making the first move

It is like a game. All the pieces are on the board, but who makes the next move? Maybe he does. In a few years. Maybe you are satisfied with being a chicken. Nothing wrong with that if you are happy. But if you want to fly like an eagle someday YOU are the one that should take the initiative. If you want to try bondage, you should say so. You should buy a book with rope knots. You should tell him where to look on the internet to find the "how to" videos (chances are he already knows).You tell him. Not ask him. Tell him whatever your fantasy is.

What have you got to lose? He is your husband. You love him, he loves you. It is the safest environment to experiment you could possibly have. Trust your man with your fantasy. All this talk of topping from the bottom and how bad that is, is all macho bullshit. If you open up, there is a fair chance he will as well. You communicate better, you are happier and that is what it is all about, isn't it? Making each other happy.

For happiness is flying like an eagle.


  1. Beautifully stated Han! Love the parable of the eagle. Will definitely bookmark this one if someone has questions. Thank you so much for sharing! Oh and love the Man with needs jpg.

    Hugs and Blessings...

    1. Thank you for the compliments Cat, it is nice of you to say so.

  2. For happines is flying like a eagle..."
    Wow.. What a interesting post, Han.
    I like it very, I mean VERY much.

    Take care ,
    Mona Lisa

    1. Thank you for the compliments, Mona Lisa, I'm glad you liked it.


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