Wednesday, 14 November 2018

Tres chique limerique

She was filled with resentment and pique, 
Refused to contend for a wique; 
But a box of nice candy 
Came in very handy. 
And brought back a smile to her chique. 

Monday, 12 November 2018


It will probably not surprise you that I'm not much of a sports' fan. I am not very competitive by nature and far too introvert to like team sports. So I like to watch tennis, curling, snooker and darts. Darts has become very popular here in the Netherlands. One of the many channels on TV broadcast almost every dart event of the year, and I can tell you there are many.

Darts is a strange game. If you play well you make exact the same movement with your arm as before so they will all end up in the triple 20... But there is something else very strange in darts.

  1. The same announcer (John McDonald) is calling the players to the stage on each and every tournament. He uses the exact same words for each player in every game.
  2. The same referee (Russ Bray) has a voice of sandpaper and calls his one hundred and eighty (180 is maximum score with three darts) in the same way each and every tournament.
  3. The same referees are present at each and every tournament.
  4. The players will have the same walk-on music (the walk from the back of the room to the stage) each and every tournament.
  5. The same players always win. First we had Phil "the Power" Taylor ( having won 218 professional tournaments, including 85 major titles and a record 16 World Championships. He won eight consecutive World Championships from 1995 to 2002 and reached 14 consecutive finals from 1994 to 2007 (both records)). 
  6. And when he retired last year there was a fellow countryman of mine, a Michael van Gerwen, who now wins nearly everything (winning 18 tournaments in 2015 and 25 in 2016).
So when I am going to sit down on my lovely couch to see a nice game of darts, everything is the same, the announcer, the referees, the walk on music,the top 20 players that reach the (semi) final and Van Gerwen wins it. Maybe I will skip the Worlds Finals this year?

Oh, this is colourful Peter Wright. "Snakebite". His wife colours his hair every tournament differently, but paints the same snake on his head each and every tournament. As he comes up on stage he does do the same dance each and every single time...

Thursday, 8 November 2018

Beethovens 5th

I have seen this on the Facebook, and I cannot get enough of it. It is the work of a genius. So simple and yet you keep watching. And listening.

This summer I was in an open air concert in the Netherlands on the American Cemetery in Margraten (Where the citizens of Margraten adopted a grave of an American soldier that has died for our freedom in 1945 and they take care of that grave, keep it clean, put flowers there and sometimes send pics of grave to the relatives of the deceased). Anyway, I was at this concert and they played Beethoven 5th, that is famous intro of well know WorldWar II movie. You know: ta ta ta taaaaa.

But the conductor of the orchestra suggested that it might be Beethovens interpretation of Death knocking at his door, Ta ta ta taaaa.... Who knows. The video remains awsome....

Sunday, 4 November 2018

What do I have in common with Madonna?

Good voice? Nah, Madonna's voice is overrated.
Good looks? Nah, you cannot compare women with men.

I can see you are not getting anywhere. We are both 59. I remember making a big fuzz about being 55 (twin year) but this year is special as well. I am born in 1959 and I am 59 years old.

Isn't that amazing? Prime number as well: 59. You can still switch numbers but I wouldn't want to be 95. No, thank you very much.  59 one year from the big 6. The big 6 that says goodbye to ever consider yourself young again. Born September 21st, 1959. 59 years old. I think it is truly a special year!

Tuesday, 30 October 2018

Summertime or wintertime?

The European Union is always busy with important things, and now they have thought it was a good idea to abolish this one hour ahead in spring (summertime) and one hour back (in winter). And they were in a hurry because it could already be over and done with next year. Who said the European Union was slow?

The problems started when the member states got a choice: do we want to keep wintertime, that would be good for our biological clock, or would we choose summertime and people could do like sports one hour longer in the summer. That appeared to be one bridge to far. The Dutch said we want to do same as Belgians and Luxembourg. The Dutch speaking part of Belgium wants to do the same time as France and the Belgium government even wants a referendum about this...

The final decision is being postponed until 2021. And that means that my biological clock will have to suffer at least three more years.

Is the livin' easier in Summertime as Ella just told us?

Saturday, 27 October 2018


Greed is accepted in today's society and is intensely romanticized. If you are not greedy then you will soon be looked at pityingly. Rich, successful people have more prestige than the poor and unsuccessful people. Politics supports multinationals with tax benefits and people at the bottom of society are being stripped. The settlement of the ING money laundering affair stands in stark contrast to that of fraudulent welfare claimants.

Climate problem and greed

For example, 1% of the world has more than half of all the world's assets. We could easily solve the climate problem with all the money that is available in the world. Rather the extra burden on the bottom of society to improve the environment than to make the biggest polluters accountable for their actions. We prefer extra VAT on vegetables and less VAT on diet coke. The greed of multinationals has no bounds.We have not a climate problem but a greed problem.After the two hospitals this week were declared bankrupt and had to close the only reaction was that the topmanagers of those hospital should be better paid so we would get better management. But how about all those public financed institutions these last few years that did have extremely high paid management and still did not manage to keep their heads above water?
There is no automatism that you will get better managers if you pay them a supernatural amount of money. There is however an automatism that if managers can determine their own salary, greed has no bounderies.
Romanticized greed is an insidious poison that stagnates many organizations and increases the number of burnouts.
Organizations feel the pressure to produce increasingly better, faster and cheaper. In order to be able to cope, they do so by using self-managing teams, talent development, serving leadership, scrum, etc. As long as the introduction of these developments are initiated by romanticized greed, they will ultimately increase the damage to people and the environment. 

Difference greed and needs

Greed and need are already mixed up by these developments. You need needs to survive. Greed is at the expense of others and is aimed at favouring yourself, profiling yourself more strongly. It is a form of dominance or dominance. Being able to distinguish between need and greed requires awareness of what you need to live and when it threatens to become an addiction.Greed was romanticized and institutionalized in the middle of the 20th century.The romanticized view of greed has not always been the case. Until the middle of the 20th century, greed was a quality that you had to curb. In many religions, greed was seen as a poison for a healthy personal development and society.

Recognition after the second world war

Just after the second world war the view on greed changed. After the horrors of the war one was desperately searching for a means to control the forces leading to a world war. Economist Milton Friedman was an important advocate for the capitalist system as a means of stabilizing the world. He thought that the capitalist system would keep the greed of organizations and consumers in balance. That balance would ensure a lasting peace. The world of today shows that he was well away from it as more economists of his time.

Greed is not easy to let go

It is high time that greed is seen again as a trait that needs to be reintroduced. But that is not so easy. Greed gives direction, hold, structure and meaning to life. You do not just throw that overboard. Letting go of greed is accompanied by a process of grief processing in which you experience loneliness, emptiness and grief. It takes effort to get rid of the addiction greed. Once you overcome the greed, you will experience the joy of service.

Stripping greed from romance is a step in the right direction. Many more steps will be needed to be freed from greed and replace it with service. To experience the regained freedom and the joy of service will be good for organizations, relations and the world.

 After a Dutch article by Sybren vd Schaar

Thursday, 21 December 2017

Seasons greetings from Han

Lord, now lettest thou thy servant depart in peace according to thy word.
For mine eyes have seen thy salvation,
Which thou hast prepared before the face of all people;
To be a light to lighten the Gentiles and to be the glory of thy people Israel.

Five minutes and forty nine seconds of inner peace with Nunc Dimittis by Arvo Pärt. Divine music I only discovered yesterday at a Christmas concert. I recommended it to a friend, and said to her, don't listen to it when you are feeling sad, because it will only make you cry, it is that beautiful.

I want to rejoin with some divine music, because music have the unique quality of transferring emotions that you cannot say, and only feel.

The holidays are just about to begin.
First let me say, or say it again, I love Christmas and the time between our Sinterklaas (5 December) and the end of the month. It's such a nice thought that when the days get shorter and the more hours we live in the dark, the people are decorating their houses with lights. We put all the stuff in our house away and replace it with Christmas decorations. In most homes you might think the woman in the instigator of these things, but in our home it is me.
Last year we did not have a tree in our home and no decorations at all. We were busy making the house for our daughter liveable enough for her to stand on her own. Now you know she has some physical limitations, so it was great that we could do that for her. And also it completed one of our goals in life to make a home for her where she wouldn't be dependent on us. But that was last year. This year we made it up and my Christmas Tree is really nice this year. Each year I buy a new ornament for my tree. This year it was a pretty little angel.

This has been a tough year. I am not going to repeat the stuff I have told you already. Like a friend of mine said: Stories about health are so boring. And she was right. Maybe not political correct, but so right. If you do not believe me listen to people talking in public transport or in the waiting room of a doctor. To two people who tell each other in minute detail of their illnesses. You see? So I'm so not going to do that again. But I cannot deny it had a big effect on my life this year.

Being overworked and overtired is not easy on anyone. I'm not very special, nor unique. It happens. It happens to a lot of people. But I am not most people. I am the Dominant partner in this relationship and I subconsciously always write Dominant with a capital D, smile. And I know she doesn't blame me for letting go and not performing like I feel I should, but that doesn't make it more easy. The problem is that there is no lacking of wanting, the wanting was still there, it was the body that was for a long time too tired. Too tired to pick up even a glass and bring it to the kitchen. (And yes, I am used to bringing my own dirty stuff to the kitchen :-) ) Too tired to do what you love, love, love most. That was not so very easy.

The second thing that I had to face this year is the perfectionism. Yes, I know, perfectionists are more likely to burn out, compared to those that are more easy going. I wanted to do it all. Smile. Very much like the stereotype of a modern housewife. We have to do it all, and we have to do it well. I had to work harder this year than ever before, I had to make my daughter a liveable house, I had to be a nice partner, I had to be a good friend, I had to be a stern Dominant, and I had to write a blog every single fucking day. And stayed up late to write the last minute posts. And I felt I had to write more interesting posts. Witch took more time, and that meant I worked until late, until the next day and write another post.

No, you are right.Nobody was forcing me to do so. And yes, I agree that nobody would have cared less if the posts were not every day at 00:01 posted... (My best friend told me that her daughter told her that amongst the young it is well known that if you put three dots after a sentence it means that you want to have sex... OK, too old for that, we learned at school something else) Anyway, I know I did it to myself, but as the most things in life, you don't know what you do, until you are presented the bill of life and you will have to pay the price.
It is life.We might know it with a brain, but that does not stop us, that didn't stop me, from doing the things I shouldn't do.

I tried to pick it up again, saying to myself that I still loved to blog, and that once a week I could make time for writing something or even post a bloody picture that somehow appealed to me. And somehow I just couldn't bring myself in doing just that. It reminded me too much I think about the moments I felt stressed out to make my daily comments on life. Is it not strange and weird how the brain works? It  is, Han.
Do I know I don't have to feel guilty about not posting for a while? Of course I know, dummy. Of course I know it is all inside of my head. Of course I know it is just a blog and not life or death situation. Of course I know writing is just an expression of my own feelings and thoughts. And that not putting them on paper has no effect on still having feelings and thoughts.

But why do I still feel that way, if I know so well?

It is the season of reflections. It is the season to look back. But with looking back the other side of the coin, looking in front of us, is just as part of this time of year. What will be in stall for us. What is going to happen next year and what will I do and not do next year? Questions that needs to be answered with the wisdom of looking back. And you know what they say about looking back, looking back is always easy. In hindsight you always know how you should have acted. So I promised myself this year not to add to my own felt pressure. I decided that I forgive myself for not blogging every day, or week, or month. I decided that the best chance that I would get to be myself, was to just let it go. And see what the Divine Beloved had in stall for me.

And letting go is for someone that LOVES to be in control hard to do obviously. This is true for most perfectionists, it is certainly true for most Dominants. And yet the lesson I have learned this rough year was to learn how to let go.

And that might be the most beautiful present beneath the Christmas tree this year.

I wish you all a merry Christmas and a wonderful, safe, healthy new year.

Saturday, 4 November 2017

Be mine

Yes, slowly getting back on my feet again and the sense of adventure and dominance and lust are coming back again. I cannot begin to tell how rewarding that is, and how thankful I am for that. And this picture, these words say it all how I feel right now..

Wednesday, 1 November 2017

Politics is just a game

I have been watching quite a few episodes of Game of Thrones of late. The world of Dragons, the Undead, the King of Fire, is so strange and so far from ours. And yet, the President of Kinglanding is making a pact with the King of the East to get to the iron throne.

And in the South Pudgemont is making is people crazy with the idea they can get independent and after the independence nothing will change, except that the Catalonians will be an independent republic.And if that plan, that riot doesn't go as planned, they flee to other country and:

Former Catalan regional President Carles Puigdemont was in a “discreet and secure place” in Brussels on Monday, the same day that Spain’s attorney general filed charges against him for rebellion, Catalan government sources told local broadcaster TV3.

In the Game of Thrones people flee all the time but usually they do not make it to the end of the season. It leads always to violence amongst their loyal supporters. With a "president" in exile "to speak freely" the chances are that his supporters will support him with the violence that comes from impotence. 

And the people of the Seven Kingdoms, they have to stand there and watch how the politicians play their game of power.

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